Often times I see parents who believe: I have to worry about my children…Right?? You may not be a parent, but perhaps a son or daughter worried about a parent(s), or any important person in your life. “Look at all the terrible things happening in the world. I can’t even feel safe sending my kids to school.” While it is true parents have to provide food clothing and shelter and a safe environment, is fear a requirement for raising healthy children? Is fear a requirement for a child or spouse to harbor to maintain the well being of a significant other?
Let’s examine the fear dynamic. Does the fear you harbor inside of yourself have any impact on the life experiences of the people you love and care about? No. Fear has no impact whatsoever on the lives of the people you care about.
Children in particular are very perceptive and know how their parents feel. The child who senses that the parent is worried will inevitably conclude that they are the reason for their parent’s anxiety and blame themselves. What occurs is a vicious cycle, parent stresses about child, which increases stress levels in the children, which then feeds the stress levels in the parent.
Anxiety decreases the confidence of the parent and interferes with the natural flow of life. Parents who make decisions from a place of fear will make vastly different choices when coming from those coming from a place of love and peace. For example, parents may limit their children from participating in worthwhile activities based solely on their own fears of such activities. Fear may result in a healthy child heading into a therapist’s office because the child is developing in a manner that differs from the parent’s expectations. In a case like this, well intentioned parents feel that they have somehow failed their child.
So what is the way out of the madness? Let’s examine the reason why fear exists in the first place.
Interactions I have with my clients go like this:
CLIENT: Yes, I can let go of my fear, but that would mean I don’t care? Right?
ME: Well…could you not care?
CLIENT: Well…NO absolutely not.
ME: So let’s look at what you’re saying without words. You care whether you’re harboring anxiety or not. So…What is the anxiety doing for you personally?
PARENT: Nothing, except making me sick!!!
This brings us back to the original point. Fear will change nothing except make for a stressed out parent. Fear is not indicative of nor proof of love for a child. When we can gradually begin to lift out of a fear mindset, many positive things can begin to occur. The children spontaneously become less anxious simply because the parent has done their own healing. Parents automatically feel better as the burden of anxiety is lifted.
As parents we want to do what is best for our children. As human beings we want the best for those we love and care about. Think about this for a while and see what happens as you start to realize the difference between love and fear. The results will be uplifting.
Let’s examine the fear dynamic. Does the fear you harbor inside of yourself have any impact on the life experiences of the people you love and care about? No. Fear has no impact whatsoever on the lives of the people you care about.
Children in particular are very perceptive and know how their parents feel. The child who senses that the parent is worried will inevitably conclude that they are the reason for their parent’s anxiety and blame themselves. What occurs is a vicious cycle, parent stresses about child, which increases stress levels in the children, which then feeds the stress levels in the parent.
Anxiety decreases the confidence of the parent and interferes with the natural flow of life. Parents who make decisions from a place of fear will make vastly different choices when coming from those coming from a place of love and peace. For example, parents may limit their children from participating in worthwhile activities based solely on their own fears of such activities. Fear may result in a healthy child heading into a therapist’s office because the child is developing in a manner that differs from the parent’s expectations. In a case like this, well intentioned parents feel that they have somehow failed their child.
So what is the way out of the madness? Let’s examine the reason why fear exists in the first place.
Interactions I have with my clients go like this:
CLIENT: Yes, I can let go of my fear, but that would mean I don’t care? Right?
ME: Well…could you not care?
CLIENT: Well…NO absolutely not.
ME: So let’s look at what you’re saying without words. You care whether you’re harboring anxiety or not. So…What is the anxiety doing for you personally?
PARENT: Nothing, except making me sick!!!
This brings us back to the original point. Fear will change nothing except make for a stressed out parent. Fear is not indicative of nor proof of love for a child. When we can gradually begin to lift out of a fear mindset, many positive things can begin to occur. The children spontaneously become less anxious simply because the parent has done their own healing. Parents automatically feel better as the burden of anxiety is lifted.
As parents we want to do what is best for our children. As human beings we want the best for those we love and care about. Think about this for a while and see what happens as you start to realize the difference between love and fear. The results will be uplifting.
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